Likewise

And then she said “Please don’t love me because I won’t be able to love you back. I may want to but it won’t be in my hands. I’ve seen too much hurt from this thing you call love. I’ve seen myself getting strangled with the words of my love. His anger. I’ve been there where you stand right now. I’ve tried to express my feelings just like you but I didn’t know purity and sincerity could be taken as granted. I’ve had the same shine in my eyes for someone you today have for me. But I know what’s gonna come with it. The price of your loyalty, your love, your affection towards me, your promises, your time, your some part of life, your heart that I can never pay. These things to me are so precious and sacred but Iam not ready for you like he wasn’t ready for me and I never will be because he never was. I don’t want this thing to repeat and that’s how I am now. This is what I’ve learned so far. I’ve learned how much it hurts when your heart breaks so I can do that to you likewise but I don’t want to. I don’t want to break you. I don’t want to be the reason of your destruction because I know what it feels like be to be destroyed. I can relate to everything you’ll go through so that’s my inner human that doesn’t want to make you a waste. I think of you as a human with a good heart because you’re one and I should treat you as a human as well. That’s why Iam gonna walk away. This is how I should respond to this situation. Walk away or run away. So I chose running. Walking may want me to turn back but I never want to. Now I don’t want to know who loves me. That’s not the solution I know but this is better than hurting you tomorrow. I am not a saint so sorry I won’t guard your fragile heart because Iam sick of these things. Let me stay alone. Let me breathe for myself. Because when I’ll be able to love myself I’ll be able to love you tomorrow. But you don’t have to wait for me like I did for him. I don’t know whether I’ll be able to love myself or not so I won’t ruin your life. I won’t ask you to wait for me because this is not what I want. This is not what I need. I need to stay away from love. For me. That’s all I know and ask.”


4:17am

-M

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