Burning Ink

I still haven’t learned the skill of listening to and understanding myself. Iam too much occupied by grief and regrets that I can’t cope with my feelings. I can’t ask myself what’s hurting me. I don’t have the spirit to know the answers. I don’t think Iam ready for the answers that traded all the love satisfaction and strength I once had in me. I don’t wanna look for the answers within me. I don’t have enough courage to sit back, relax and ask myself where did I go wrong​. I don’t even have the courage to ask my Lord where did I fail and why I failed? Because I know all the answers are printed on my skin. Iam just too blind​ to focus or too afraid to realize. Iam not ready to look at the ink. Once seen, the ink will get absorbed in my flesh deeper and deeper until it reaches my bones. I don’t want the answers to reach my bones. I know they’re gonna stay there forever. That’s why Iam not ready for answers. Because I know the answers are with me, walking with me, looking at me and I look away everytime they try to communicate. I turn my back everytime because Iam not ready. Iam not sure when will I be. I think Iam too weak for this, I’ve no strength for this. Until then let me believe all of this is unreal. That nothing is burning on my skin. That Iam so naive to understand what’s the problem. That Iam full of hope that one day I’ll be able to become the person I want to become for a very long time. That I don’t need for once to look at the burning ink and know what wrongs I did and what wrongs wronged me. 


7:17 pm

-M

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