Realization

I’ve arrived at that point where I have zero patience left for anybody’s shit. You good to me? I am good to you. I need some time for myself. All the time I’ve wasted on other people should have been spent on me. Should have been spent on me to evaluate what’s really not right with me. Should have been spent on my evolution. I don’t know what’s wrong but I want to know what’s not right. I should have built myself up. I should have talked to my Lord whenever I had a problem cloud above my head. I should have asked Him for giving me a sign. I should have solely relied on Him. I shouldn’t have wasted away my days. The days I can never get back. I am forever in my own debt. I can never replace the days I spent in doing wrong. I should have kept my heart and mind straight. I should have preferred brain over my heart. I swear if I could ever go back in time and change anything I’d change my mind every time I did something wrong. I’d listen to my brain. But now that the time has slipped away. Now that I am out of the most dangerous phase of my life I thank my Lord.

But if I wasn’t that way I’d never have learned the lessons I’ve learned. Life has its ways of teaching you. God has His ways of revealing things to you over a certain period of time. He revealed things to me and I am thankful I’ve learned my lessons during the age when I was growing. Now that I’ve been stuffed some sense into me, I realize that it was good for me to get hurt in an age that was going to pass anyway with scars but the lessons will stay in my brain for the rest of my life. Even if I stay in sujood for the rest of my life I can never wholly thank my Lord for helping me out of the mess that I created.

All these lessons that life has taught me has shaped made me into the person I am today. And Alhamdulillah I am happy with myself now. I may not live the rest of my life as a satisfied human but on my deathbed I want my soul to depart after I say Alhamdulillah and Kalima Shahadah from the deepest and most peaceful corner of my heart.


8:36 pm

-M

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