I don’t really know what it takes to stay alive. And when I say alive I don’t mean is my heart still working or is my brain still trying to find ways to solve the mess I’ve become? By alive I mean does my heart still have those feelings in it that I had months ago? Do I feel anymore? Do I smile because Iam happy or I smile just to make sure that people don’t see how much broken Iam that now it takes nothing to make me smile or to shut down people so they don’t ask me what’s the matter? Do I feel any emotion whether it’s happiness, sadness, guilt or whatever?
Everyone’s heart beats as long as they are alive. But apart from that what really makes us alive? The feelings we feel, the emotions we carry within ourselves. It takes something really really big to kill your inside. The blood in your veins doesn’t stop flowing but your heart stops sending out feelings to your brain. Your heart gets locked away. You don’t even try to get those emotions back because you’ve already paid the price of kneeling down before them. You are left with your pieces. Broken pieces. You don’t feel the need to get them back together. Because it’s not as easy as it seems. If it takes something big to break you from the inside then do know that it takes something big to heal you too.