Another day, another illusion.

My gait was conveying the message that I was no longer comfortable while walking with you. My eyes had questions for you that you never answered. My drink was no more what I always preferred when I was in love with you. My taste had changed. I had made an effort to change it because I thought it reflected how I felt for you. I tightened my legs together when I sat with you. I never used to do that. I was never comfortable that way but that’s how it goes now. I wasn’t wearing red lipstick because I was no more compassionate about your love. I was wearing a dress that was lower than my knees because it made me feel more secure than your presence. I was not wearing stilettos because I lost my interest in them when the sharpness of their pointed heels couldn’t match the sharpness of your tongue. 

My eyes would get richer than my stomach whenever we were out but now I can’t even see straight in your eyes. I think I’ll lose myself once again. I always admired your brown eyes while talking to you. Now I can’t stand them. They are now meant to refresh my wounds. I can’t see myself bleeding in front of you. So I stare at my food while you sit there. I can hear your voice but can’t track it. I look around me and don’t find you anywhere. You leave me in the blink of my eyes and never return. You didn’t even let me see you leave.

This becomes just another day, just another table, just another illusion of you and not really you. It is only me sitting here with a hope that you’ll call. 


3:55am

-M

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