She didn’t know it would destroy her.

She knew she couldn’t have you in this life. So she started finding you in everything around her. She didn’t want nobody else. Nobody else gave her chills the way you did. Nobody else knew who she really was except you. Nobody knew how she expressed her love in words except you. She never wanted to open up her heart to anybody other than you. She wanted to share every piece of her soul with you only. So she wished of finding you anywhere, anytime. She wanted to tell you everything her heart has stored in for years for you only. Years back when you left her, she thought of having you back one last time. For one last time she wanted to see your beautiful brown eyes and get lost in them. She just never wanted to find her way out of them. She never knew brown would be so adorable. She loved your eyes because she thought there was love for her in them -she didn’t know it would destroy her in the end.

She loved everything about you. She would spend her nights staring at walls and thinking about every conversation you both had. For better concentration she would close her eyes and remember everything you said. She would reread your long texts like they were sent just a day ago. She would see your pictures and melt. She would pray for your safety like you were her home. She would spend nights crying but never cursed you because according to her you can never curse the one you love. She herself started to gather reasons to justify why you left. She always found you guilty but couldn’t accept that. So she would just change the direction of her thoughts. And start thinking about every beautiful memory. She would laugh at your silly jokes. She would wait for your texts-which you never sent-every morning. She never knew you’d mean so much to her. She wasn’t ready for this. But it came like something very unexpected at a very unexpected time. She embraced it with open arms but you left her in the blink of an eye.

There was a time when she so much wanted you like thirst needs water. Like fertility needs rain. Like moon needs sun. Like day needs night. But she has grown up now. She herself still isn’t sure whether she has grown up or not. She has stopped feeling anything. She has put a lock on her heart till her last breath. She wants nobody to open or even knock at it again. She wants it to be this way forever. She has put an end to her chaos. She has put an end to the fire that burnt her heart years ago. She has stopped looking in people’s eyes as she’s afraid to find eyes just like yours-but not yours-filled with love for her. Everything has become an illusion for her. She has put an end to everything that disturbs her peace of mind. After all these years she wants to rest. She wants nothing now. She expects nothing from this world. Her world was lost somewhere years ago. She wants it to remain lost during her remaining breaths. She doesn’t want any kind of disharmony now. She has become heartless again.


8:42 am

-M

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