In the end you stop making efforts any more because you see all your previous efforts went in vain. Your apologies, your explanations don’t make a difference to them. You’ve grown tired of being helpless. You get flashbacks of what you lost. You have mood swings. You suddenly stop being happy because you don’t have them to share your happiness with. You cry your self to sleep like a sucker unlike Lana Del Rey says. You wake up on a new day with the same old memories and swollen eyes. In between your chores you start thinking about them. The conversations you had with them. You think about them everyday because you used to give them every single detail of your day. You think whether they’re missing you or not.
At last you sit back and see what life has to offer. You surrender. You leave everything as it is. You’re so tired of your heavy heart that you want it to rest. It keeps working for you but stops beating for them. You let your heart engulf the pain. You let it bleed. Your pain doesn’t melt their cold heart.
So you start to act like you’re all good and will recover in no time. But deep down you’re drowning. You can’t breathe. You know you can’t breathe and it seems so difficult to keep up with waves of the sea. You feel like this is the end. So you should let yourself drown. Let the waves empower your being. Feel the pain from the inside. Let that pain dawn on you. Because you know that without knowing it, without truly feeling it, without letting it as a whole come up to the surface, you cannot continue on your own.
Don’t learn to swim unless you’re fully drowned. Let it be. Let it rip you apart. Let it shatter your crystal heart. You need to be broken in order for you to mend your self and come up as a whole new person that everybody mistakes for the old one. You need to cry till your tears dry. You need to scream till you can’t breathe. Then gasp for air. For fresh air. Get up but never give up. Widen your horizon. Survive. Survive for all the important things in your life. You’ve so much in your life to be thankful for. Struggle for your self. Struggle for your future. Struggle for your akhirah.
You don’t have them now. Face the reality. Don’t turn your back towards it or you’re gonna suffer every single day. Learn to value your self. Wait for the ‘you’ that will come to you when they leave. And that’s gonna be a stronger person. That’s what you are in real! So learn to cover yourself. You need to stand tall and proud because you survived. The day will come when your scars will not hurt you anymore. They’ll be there forever but not to cause pain but to let the rain in. The rain that will help you in healing and washing away your sorrows. Hold on to your self. Have faith in Allah! And I swear like they say every cloud has a silver lining, your cloud will have the brightest lining. Life is too short to keep crying over the one who didn’t value you. So cry for one last time but promise yourself this is the last time you’re gonna cry for someone who’d not care to raise his hand to wipe the tears off your face!